F*ck Dem Kids: Getting over parenting guilt

“Fuck dem kids!” We hear this brazen and quite hilarious phrase all the time. But what does it really mean? I know many parents from our generation tend to overcompensate when it comes to the kids. Some of us try to live vicariously through our children, trying to give them all of what we did not have growing up.

On the contrary, through firsthand experience as a single mom it is easy to overcompensate because you are doing your best to fill the void of the missing parent. Therefore, we end up putting our needs and ourselves on the back burner because we are too busy trying to provide and make sure the little ones are happy and have (literally) everything in spite of dad not physically being there fulltime. But sis had to kill that dead, dead! Because at the end of the day, no amount of material things could ever replace a person. Just like the old saying goes, “Money does not buy happiness.”  Because It really doesn’t. Instead of turning your home into a mini Disney World or turning your child’s closet into New York Fashion Week, go back to the basics. Children do not need a whole lot of material things to be happy. However, they do need lots of love, care, and time.

Of course, making sure your children are happy is wonderful. Though, we Moms have needs as well. Simply put, you cannot pour from an empty cup. There was a time where I could not go to the store and not buying something just for myself without buy something for my daughter. I was not buying for her out of necessity, but guilt! (The mind of a young mother, SMH LOL).  For some reason I felt I could not do for myself without doing for her. I didn’t realize back then that putting myself and needs as priority was in fact doing the best thing for her. Ensuring I was happy, at peace, and provided for helped me so much more than opening my wallet or trying to spend every single moment of my free time with her. My self-care and putting boundaries in place even when it comes to my children makes me such a mental healthier and happier person and mother!

I hope this helps all Moms who feel they just can’t find a way to put themselves first. Your mental health is so important. With such a draining year of 2020 now behind us, hopefully 2021 will give us outside back, so we can go back to planning our #MomsNightOut(ings) and girl’s trips and really say, “Fuck dem kids!”

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