I Can’t Leave Him Alone: How to effectively undo a soul tie

Let me get in your business for a second

“I’m single again, back at his house” or whatever Trina said that time in her song. Ladies! You know how it is when you finally send your last paragraph length text to your toxic ex lover and scream FUCK HIM and you mean it this time. You delete his number out of your phone and you are dealing with this break up the best way you know how. You’re getting back in the game and it seems to get easier with each passing day. As soon you think you’re in a good head space and you’re ready to fully let him go, you get a text message from that unsaved number that you’ve committed to memory saying, “come here.” And what do you do? You grab your lil “spennanight bag” and go to his house. It’s like a scene straight out the Ashanti song.

“See when I get the strength to leave, you always tell me that you need me. And I’m weak because I believe you. And I’m mad because I love you.”

Listen sis, I’m not judging you at all because I’ve been that girl too many times to count. I know very well how painful it is to be attached to someone who has shown you time and time again that they just do not care about you on the level you care about them. And let’s not talk about how each encounter with him leaves you feeling drained. Of course it sounds simple to just forget about him and move on, but hoowwww??? Especially when the D is *chef’s kiss.* It’s a process, but we’ve got to begin somewhere right? Right. Let’s start with the basics.


We could delete the number all day long, but it’s something about the thread that we just can’t let go of. I know it feels good momentarily to scroll through those messages, but that’s only holding us back. Those times are over, and chances are, it was probably all lies to begin with. Let that thread go and start getting yourself together!


Often times when we’re dealing with an ex lover off and on, we can trick our minds into thinking we’re the problem. If you know you’ve done right by this man, it’s his loss. Don’t spend another day trying to figure out where you went wrong or what you could’ve done differently. Stop doing that! Boss up and remember who you are. You don’t have to settle for a half way kinda love. You just don’t. When you know better, you do better and get better.


Hopefully y’all caught that New Orleans reference, but if not, I’ll break it down in a second. Before I go any further, I just want to say this may not be the best advice, so take it at your own discretion. They say the best way to get over someone is to get under someone new. I know y’all see Supa has her a fine ass new man. Why settle for someone that’s gonna halfway love you when there’s men out here that’s willing to love you, your kids, your mama, your dog, your cat etc. Just because your ex lover couldn’t see your worth doesn’t mean it isn’t there. Find you a man that’s gonna love you flaws and all. Find someone who’ll love you so intensely that you forget all about whatchamacallit.

Like I said before, it’s not always easy, but you’re worth way more than what you’ve been settling for. Good D comes a dime a dozen, but it’s not worth you trading your self respect for. My hope is that you find the strength to leave him alone for real and sing a different Ashanti song this time.

“See my days are cold without you, but I’m hurting while I’m with you. And though my heart can’t take no more I WON’T keep running back to you.”

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