When ‘Hoe Is Life’ Goes Absolutely Wrong

Healthy Sexuality: What it is and What it isn't

Ladies, you’re not hoeing right! Let’s talk about it.

If you’ve been reading the articles on highonbeignets.com, then you know we support women on their journeys to live a life that is their own and to walk in their truths. But walking on both sides of the spectrum (unhealthy sexuality and healthy sexuality) I’ve began to question how many woman actually took the time to analyze their sexual and sensual side before allowing it to lead them down a rabbit hole. Many women (men too, but let’s stick to us girls) are not in control of their sexuality. And they’re using the phrase ”Hoe Is Life” as an excuse to make poor decisions that is truly covering up a bigger problem. Self abuse has many faces and does not only come in the form of drug abuse and over eating. Self abuse when related to sex can be over indulging in pornography to the point where you can’t live a normal life and having meaningless sexual encounters or creating false reasons to participate in sex.

Now, if you’re watching a nasty flick to relieve the days stress or having sex with a stranger because you want to, that’s perfectly fine. But if you’re doing these things because you’re hurt, never healed your childhood traumas, feeling neglected and want attention… sis, back away from the hoe phase and find your healing phase. An unhealed sexuality isn’t just about the physical act of sex, it’s also how you carry yourself. Do you dress in a revealing way? Are you acting inappropriate in public? Why? The problem isn’t what you do, but why you’re doing it. Did you experience neglect as a child? Were you sexually abused? Women who were abandoned by an important figure in their lives often grew up to be attention seekers. This causes them to be gullible to any man or woman giving them attention. Many women that experienced sexual abuse at a young age grew up to have a hyper sexuality and some grew up to resent men but used sex to ”dominate” them. A large percentage of these women are unaware of why they’re acting the way they are.

What does a healthy sexuality look like?

A person uneducated on the human sexuality would say that a healthy sexuality is one where a woman is always fully dressed, doesn’t express her sensuality outside of her bedroom, and only has sex in committed relationships. This is untrue. A healthy sexuality is when you are able to express your inner sexy and sassy on the outside and share that with others ( if that’s what you choose) because it’s who YOU truly are. You can be alone and enjoy your own company and you’re not acting out of hurt. When making a decision that involves your sexuality, start by asking yourself ”Why am I doing this?” Give yourself three legitimate reasons that don’t involve your bucket list or for the sake of being a hoe. If you find yourself on less sex-capades than usual than you know your were operating from a very unhealthy place.

What happens when you heal your sexuality?

Disappointment is normally the first phase. Looking back on the decisions you’ve made and realizing that you abused yourself is never a comfortable place to be. Eventually, you reach a level of awareness and appreciation for your growth and that’s the beautiful part. When you’ve master a skill it’s easy to notice those who haven’t mastered that skill. Sexuality is no different. If your friends are acting from a damaged and hurt place you may feel the need to help them identify their problems. If they don’t, you may find yourself seeing less and less of them, it comes with the territory. Your self-worth shows up, you start setting boundaries, and you are able to have a healthy relationship with yourself and others.

This journey is not a pretty one. Sometimes you have to start from scratch and strip yourself of everything, even the parts of your that you think belongs to you and start bare. Some of the actions we’ve attached to our sexuality are not of us, they are the results of abuse and bad experiences. So it’s best to drop them all and abstaining from sex is a great way to start. Also, tucking your sensuality in your pocket for awhile and going on a journey of self discovery. If those actions are truly of you then they’ll still be there waiting for you after you’ve done the work to heal. The root word in healthy is HEAL, which says to me that as human beings we all will experience SOMETHING in this lifetime that we will have to heal from in order to be HEALTHY. Being healthy is not something that happens over night, it’s a muscle that you must exercise and grow. It’s a way of life. If an obese person heals themselves from obesity through diet and exercise to reach their goal weight, that lifestyle must be kept up or else they risk reaching obesity again.

I hope this triggers thoughts and actions. Look out for future articles as we dive deeper into the healing of women.

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