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I ended my marriage of fourteen years two years ago. No, there wasn't any infidelity to my knowledge, no financial hardships or any typical marriage issues that would cause a couple to consider divorce. When asked by family and friends, I simply tell them we grew apart. But the truth is, there was a silent war of "whose the biggest alpha" in the house that grew overwhelmingly tiresome.
I've always known I was attracted to men of a certain stature but it was my ex husband who brought it to my attention years ago that I possessed an alpha personality. I gave it some thought and decided to just embrace it. I'm one to move to the beat of my own drum, my presence commands rooms, I've never sat around waiting on a man, I buy flowers for myself when I run across ones a like and take myself on dates. And men, they don't approach me. They just look and stare. Most of my dates have come from guys who've known me over the years that finally saw an opportunity and went for it, a blind date set up by a friend or someone I pursued at happy hour or on a dating app.
My marriage, Leo woman Sagittarius man, so the compatibility was there. We were inseparable most of the time. All eighteen years of being together, we dated regularly and talked on the phone throughout the day as we did in the honeymoon stages of our relationship. But we spoke different languages. Different love languages, different sex languages, different apology language. Whatever language there is in relationships, you name it, we spoke it differently. The communication was awful. When things were good they we great but when they were bad it seemed my world was ending. At some point it was a fight I was no longer willing to square up for, so I called it quits. I knew it was for the best and I truly believed I gave it my best shot, so I didn't feel hurt about my decision and I almost immediately jumped into dating. Let's just say the dating happened in stages. First stage being me yelling to the mountains that I was single (sliding into a few DM's). I noticed my text messages we're filled with the infamous "Good morning, beautiful' text every morning and I got bored of chatting without purpose and chile, all of those men ended up on my blocked list. Then I took a step back and decided to just let things happen... and there was my guy.
Y'all, he fell under the "friend whose been knowing me for years, saw an opportunity and went for it" category. I've known him a long time, so long that I can barely remember a time when I didn't know him. We weren't the closest of friends but he had a place in my heart. There was a time in high school I found myself smitten by him and believed he felt the same but even then I knew he was too intimidated to approach me. We started talking on the phone and face timing. The conversations were so sweet, filled with admiration from him. He talked to me in away I didn't realized I liked being talked to. Some would refer to it as ego stroking *Shrugs shoulders*. We started going out on dates, seeing movies together and hitting up local bars. I even met some of his family members. He was very attentive to me and everything we did was heavily documented. We snapped it up and recorded videos every time we were together, I felt like a trophy he was proud of.
Months flew by and it started to hit me... my guy was beta and I wasn't the least disappointed. He appeared alpha, he towered over me in size, 6'5 and 250 lbs with a zaddy beard. But the way he catered to me and supported the alpha that I am melted my heart. Every time I went over he had a gift for me. It could have been my favorite wine and chocolate, a full season of my favorite 90's sitcom to watch, my favorite accessory. He paid attention when I spoke so he knew what I liked. He would give me full body massages without selfish intentions. He'd run my bath water and have pj's laid out waiting for me. These were all things I've never had done for me, probably because I only dated alpha men. He didn't quite know how to initiate sex with me but I also never had a problem making my move and once we were there, he took over and he was quite the pleaser.
The truth is, I'm still dating and not only him. I had to do some some comparing my ex husband to my new boo who seemed to have many ways about him that I loved. And while he may not become my boy friend for other reasons, I'll never again overlook a beta man. In fact, beta men are now my preference.